so, i went and watched SATC.

it reminded me of the night i spent at R’s place, sitting up watching episodes back to back through till morning, leaving just as the sky turned a light blue-grey and the air smelt of dawn.

it also made me think of other things. and other people.

today while sitting in the library, i jotted down ‘valium’ instead of ‘valiant’.

i think my sub-conscious is trying to tell me something.

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it’s been a strange month. lots of upheavals and downturns, but also lots of optimism shot through with sunshine. it’s also been a great month of listening to music – drive-by truckers, ryan bingham, alabama 3, midlake, david bowie and, as always, explosions in the sky.

there’s been floating, there’s been running, there’s been hand-holding, there’s been.

and sometimes i wanna go home and stay out of sight for a long time.

it’s difficult when one doesn’t know where the boundaries lie. what the parameters are.

it feels like i’m trying to navigate without a compass. or trying to follow a path paved in shifting sand.

i made my attempt at floating. it’s your turn.

it felt like bunking off school. like when we used to sneak out the back gate of the mount sinai campus and walk hurriedly across the hdb estate and over the bridge, heaving a sigh of relief only when we reached the bus-stop or holland village.

but yes, just like bunking off school. except it was work, and i had permission to leave the building since no work was going to be done while the lights were flickering on and off and the data connections were on the blink.

so i went shopping – a new pair of shoes, some new shirts and a pair of wide-legged trousers for SS08. all done in under an hour. impressive, non?

and then there was the picking-up of lunch from carluccio;s and delivering them to a man who was laid up in bed with ‘general grottyness’. eating lunch and reading the newspapers in bed, chatting and doing things on the internet (him) and reading a book rather unsuccessfully (me). very decadent indeed. and also so much fun.

it was a stolen afternoon. so many free hours plucked out of the air so suddenly, and so coincidental a matching of free time.

interesting developments are afoot.

it’s funny how it takes time to hit you.

you go around thinking it’s okay and everything’s fine, and that it’ll take much more than this to reduce you to tears.

and then something happens, completely unrelated, and it all comes down like a sledgehammer.

but i guess it’s about getting used to it.

back in london.

sorted out one of the things that had been weighing on my mind since i stepped off the plane 4 months ago. the other things, like housing, remain puzzles to be solved when time and fate coincide.

it’s been pretty cold, but wandering around the backstreets of brixton, looking into the tiny shops and sitting around in wonderful cafes warms me up. sometimes i think i’d like to live like this forever, in limbo, with nothing to do but walk around and observe life around me.

there’s a new michel gondry film coming out at the ritzy that i’m going to try and catch. the darjeeling limited ended its run the day after i arrived, so i’m going to hunt down the dvd.

i miss [fill in the blank] already.