during my teens, my mom would never ever hesitate to criticise the way i dressed or the friends i made or the things i did. most of the time it was about the way i looked - she detested my wardrobe for its ‘immodesty’. being all spaghetti straps and skin-tight tops my mom saw it as signs of my imminent future as a streetwalker.

and she told me so. everytime i was about to step out of the house to go somewhere fun and exciting, while justifying her harsh criticism with this:

it’s only because i love you and i care about you that i tell you the truth. do you think anyone else cares?

and so that was my introduction to a new aspect of my traditional harsh-love upbringing. the previous examples being caning, scaring by threats of being given away to [monsters/bad men/foreigners], expressions of affection conditional upon exam results, etc.

anyway, my upbringing isn’t the point. the point is this:

while i may be highly critical about singapore, its people, its society, its government, its politics, its policies, my criticism doesn’t stem from a superiority complex or a hatred of the country. instead it stems from my love of a place i know could be much better that it already is.

the changes i hope for Singapore are not for the purposes of making it up to par with other countries. i don’t really care about how Singapore compares to the rest of the world. i care about making Singapore better for Singaporeans. if it happens that in that process, the adoption of methods and policies already used by other countries is necessary, then so be it - what matters is that the people of Singapore benefit from it.

i feel that way because i care about the future of singapore and care about the future of singaporeans, because i’m a singaporean. and i’m sure many people feel the same way that i do. it’s never been about ‘us vs them’, ‘you’re with us or against us, or ‘if you’re not PAP you must be in the opposition’.

i do it because i love singapore and want to be proud of singapore and want to be proud to be singaporean. it’s always going to be where i call home. it’s my place of birth, where my childhood memories lie, where my instinctive language was formed. it’s where my loyalties lie, where my grandparents are buried, where my family still is and most of my friends are. and because of that, i can see the faults more clearly, feel the mistakes with greater depths, empathise with those that have fallen by the wayside in this race to the top.

and if trying to better this place i love makes me seem like a dissident, at least i’m not apathetic.

happy birthday singapore, here’s to our brilliant future.

totally sweltering here in berlin - it’s like singapore without some of the humidity. the back of my neck is chaotah, and i’ve a bright white shape of my watch 2 inches above my wrist.

but after the rains and floods of the english summer this year, this is probably a good interim location to get me used to the heat and humidity of singapore. i can’t wait.

anyway, we haven’t actually done much sightseeing at all. that’s the one drawback of visiting a city that is a sometime-residence of one’s travel companion: there are other things to be sorted out like bills and taxes and buying furniture. so, until all that gets done, i’ll just have to be content myself with reading the guidebooks and taking note of the places that i’d like to visit once all this boring administrative stuff gets done. on the other hand, it’s quite nice to not be doing touristy things since it’s much too hot to be running around in the midday sun, and i’ve already seen a lot of the landmarks the last two times i’ve been here.

on that note, i’ll continue sitting here at karvana on gabriel-max strasse in friedrichshain, trinken meines eis tiger spice chai mit sojamilch, watching berliners pass us by.