so i have this friend who is utterly bohemian and free-spirited.

she’s quite a lot older than i am, and a trained architect, but she floats around doing crafty things and going for dance classes and living out of a big box that she takes along with her each time she moves to another one of her many friends’ living room.

some days i think, i want to be just like that. carefree, to some extent, doing whatever i want to do, who cares if i don’t have a permanent job or a toilet i can call my own.

but then, on other days, it just seems so pointless. i’m sure she sees some larger picture that i can’t, but from my perch i see a lost girl trying to find her way still. i guess in some ways, it’s very difficult to escape from the very long shadows of an extremely successful and filthy rich mother who can and will provide you houses in london and paris, amongst other things. how does one differentiate themselves from their parents except by rebellion, in a multitude of subtle and/or evident ways?

maybe that’s the point, though. perhaps the process of trying to be different is courageous. it would be so easy, and it IS so easy, to continue in the footsteps of those that have gone before. and it doesn’t matter why, the fact of making that effort is enough. strength in adversity, etc. it would be so boring if we all listened to our parents and depended upon them for everything.

and perhaps after i’ve chalked up enough experience points, when i’ve squirrelled away enough money, i can be however and wherever i want to be as well. i hear consultancy work is very very lucrative.

and this is why one should never be mean to people.

i’ve been put in the same group for a presentation as that classmate.

*i will hold my temper and keep my sharp tongue in check*

intense discussions all round.

a classmate of mine pissed me off so much i shouted at him by the watercoolers. i need to just ignore him from now on, or pretend not to notice how rude he is. i wish he’d just go away.

berlin soon!

but research memorandum first. before i can kick off my shoes and say wahey it’s the holidays!

i might start a stamp collection.

in some ways, i’m reverting to childhood.

i remember sitting on cold granite floors and opening dusty rosewood cupboards that smelt sweet and mysterious, and looking at stamps from places i’d never heard of.

i also like the pictures.

… unless it’s pouring down with rain.

but it’s been very dry, dry as a bone in fact, after the weeks of sopping wetness.

and having gotten rid of the cat, for now, i’ve been busy shoving peas into the soil and scattering rocket and basil seeds wherever i can.

this is lazy gardening, aided by the lack of a large and limitless supply of soil/potting compost. i really really must get a sack of compost soon, or else i’ll be growing nothing this year. but it’s difficult to fit a 40l bag of soil onto the back of a bicycle. i shall have to make a day out of it and make use of M’s car.

and once that’s achieved, i can start putting to work the echinacea and verbena, the tomatoes and the mixed salad, and other things i can’t think of right now, but are sitting pretty in their packets in a box at the bottom of the cupboard. i’ve been collecting yoghurt pots, plastic containers, soup cans and vegetable trays in preparation.

- + - + - + - + - + -

phase 2 of school has started,
and it is hell.

no one needs to know so much about debt finance, equity finance and private acquisitions. and they all seem to merge together into this department called corporate and banking, so i’m probably not going to be totally clear where the decarcation lines are drawn until the exams, perhaps. on the other hand, whilst bits of it are as boring as can be, it’s fun to be doing ‘research’ on the FT when really all we’re doing is sussing out the richest and best private equity firms to jump ship to.

and 5 tutorials in a week is somewhat overdoing it, don’t you think? considering that they are 2 hours each, and we’re supposed to be doing 3 hours pre-tutorial preparation per tutorial. and what is this 6pm-8pm class?! i know it’s an elective, but there’s no need to take the piss.

and a drafting exam right after the easter holidays as well. they have no heart.

usually i like cats.

if my friend’s got cats, oh i love. they’re so cute and furry and funny and silly.

but when it’s some stranger’s cat that keeps shitting in the pots on my balcony, let’s just say it’s a long way from love.

it’s annoying, and it stinks, and i am not interested in allowing some thoughtless and careless cat owner get away with not training their own cats. why should i let them use my balcony as their litter box? cat, fuck off.

so i bought a whole bunch of bamboo skewers (satay sticks to you and me) and stuck them pointy side skywards into my pots. it’s like war out there on my balcony, i tell ya. those sticks are vicious, injuring even me while i was doing the deed.

they’d better work, or else i’m going to have to resort to more violent measures.

i knitted a hat for the boyfriend.

it is dark grey, and has a ribbed band about an inch tall (high? long? what?).

it’s not the most beautiful thing in the world, nor is it at any sort of real standard. i started it too big, and had to sew the bottom in to make it fit, rather than just fall over his face. i’m also lacking in double pointed needles, so i basically just decreased the crown till i couldn’t stretch it across my circular needles any more, then sewed the top of the round together.

for a short and quick project i thought i did pretty good.

i think i might now try and make a beret for myself. hopefully i might incorporate a cable pattern or two, but i’m not placing any bets on how they’re gonna turn out.