here’s another reason why i’m afraid of going back to singapore permanently:

say i married this guy, and things are fine for a couple of years but are gradually going downhill. i’ve lost interest in him and think that i’m much better off being divorced or separated, we don’t really talk much, we don’t have sex much because i’m just no longer attracted to him.

he’s frustrated, obviously. but maybe he feels that the marriage is worth saving. or maybe he doesn’t. i’m just hypothesising here.

one day, maybe intoxicated maybe not, he comes home and initiates sexual intercourse because y’know sometimes we just do have sex. it’s a physical urge that needs to be dealt with, and who else better to do deal with it than someone you share a house with. anyway, i refuse, he gets angry and insists. i refuse some more, he forces himself on to me and has penetrative sexual intercourse with my body.

i haven’t consented at all, and the act of sexual intercourse was done under duress/threat/physical force. but still, i can’t be classified as a rape victim because he’s my husband.

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the consultation paper on the proposed changes to the marital rape section of the penal code purports to have made the amendments in response to the ‘changed status of women and the evolving nature of a marital relationship’.

well, if the status of women in singapore is such that a man can rape a women because they are married and not separated or have protection orders existing or other injunctions pending, then this clearly shows that women have no rights over their body once they have entered into a marital relationship.

do i belong to my husband? am i a will-less chattel whose use is entirely up to my owner? just because i’m married and we have a marriage certificate does that mean i stop being myself and become part of my husband? do i not have rights and independence?

i refuse to be owned or belong to anyone. and i do not see how the act of marriage can imply a continuous consent to sexual intercourse because it clearly doesn’t - just because you agree to have sex with someone today, doesn’t mean you want to or agree to the next. if both parties consent, then go ahead; but if one party doesn’t give consent, then respect that decision and go wank off by yourself. any supposed implied consent is just a false construction of reality.

if they want to make rape within a marriage an exception to the general laws of rape, why don’t they just change all the other laws to do with women and their marital status and their inability to be independent contracting parties. from now on, why don’t they just legislate that women can’t own property unless their husbands are co-owners. and women can’t sign contracts without their husbands. and, oh yeah, women shouldn’t be able to vote either, because we have no mental capacity to think anything apart from what our husbands tell us to.

a very large number of women are raped by people they know or who are close to. and whether or not that person is the women’s husband shouldn’t even figure in the equation as long as there was penetrative sexual intercourse without consent. rape is rape is rape. there shouldn’t be any exceptions to the rule, and to go one step further, it really should be gender neutral.

how can i return to a place that doesn’t legally protect me from what would probably be the most traumatic experience as a woman? rape, not just by a stranger, but by someone you trust and love (in some way), and by someone who shares the same house as you, whom you see everyday, and who knows all your intimate habits. if the law refuses to protect me, who else can i seek protection from? the person who committed the rape?

how am i going to bring up daughters in singapore and teach them self-respect and self-worth, dignity and independence, when i have to tell them as well that the government and the law doesn’t give a rat’s ass about their welfare once they’re married.

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perhaps the best alternative, as a woman, is to not get married and merely live with a partner. cohabitation gets a bad rep, but at least it’ll save you from being classified as a martial rape exception.